Being True

        

          Suppose that life in the family is recognised as a path, a school for the soul and the spirit? What does this bring for the individual parent, for the family, for the child?

- from Lifeways by Davy and Voors

Speaking my truth is becoming more familiar for me these days. I'm practising expressing my gratitude for things in my life and speaking from the heart whenever I can.

And the truth this week, as the beginning of the school year is upon us, is that I'm feeling lost for words when asked about our decision to homeschool this year.

I clam up and freeze. I search for heartfelt words that lead to connection and understanding, but end up saying nothing, or perhaps mumbling a little about something if nothing feels too rude.

Its not what I expected I'd do for something that feels so right to me.

What am I to do? I found myself thinking.

And what I did was sit with the torment inside, rather than resisting it. I listened to what it had to say, immersing myself in its tension.

This is what I heard:
- that I'm sad to not be a part of the primary school this year
- that I'm scared of damaging Rosie's education and self esteem in some way
-that this beginning time of year is a time of great expectations for everyone
-that its okay to freeze and be unsure, for that's how I learn and question and look deeper.
-that homeschooling still feels right despite these fears and grieving.

And that we are all on the same educational journey, whether we homeschool or allow our children to attend an institution - we all want what's best for them.

We all want self-directed learners who question and seek answers. We all want joyous, happy little ones who grow in all their glorious ways, uninhibited and owning their own interests, passions and gifts. We all want our children to be true to themselves.

There is no right or wrong way when these are our goals as parents and educators. There are just different ways that feel right to us.

These words help to calm my panic. They soothe and let me take that much-needed step back. And I'm grateful for that.

Wishing you a beautiful new beginning and the blossoming of your children.

Carolyn x x

Everyday Marvels

Sometimes it feels like time bends, especially as a Mama. As I go about our daily business are girls, Rosie and Bethany, are growing. And as parents we are growing too. But sometimes, somewhere within all this change I feel like its moving too fast.

I think we must all know that feeling - as if fast forward has been pressed without you realising it and you're somewhere ahead of where you were last time you took notice.

It's like the moments in time are hard to grasp at the moment, and the skittish part of me - that part whose first instinct is to panic and analyse - is feeling deeply uncomfortable.

This morning I looked at my two growing girls and tried to capture the essence of them in that moment, on this day.

Bethany, with her current fetish for shoes big and small, is wearing a worn but lovely pair of hand-me-downs from a friend, and only moments earlier was wearing my gumboots.

Rosie is reading, reading, reading at the moment, loving the sounds of words as they roll off her tongue. I can see that she loves the autonomy of reading by herself, loves the access it gives her to a whole other world of ideas. And I can feel her confidence and identity grow with each book she reads.

It's these small things, these everyday marvels, that this Mama holds onto on this day.

The power of expectations

"Never underestimate the power of expectation"

I read this quote in the staff room of Rosie's primary school this week. And, being a teacher myself, I thought about how true this was for me back in my classrooms and how true it is for me now as a Mama. Often when I'm finding myself clashing with one or both of my daughters (or with my Ian), its a matter of increasing my expectations of them that leads to greater confidence on their part, and then more responsibility. In other words, I don't need to take on everything. They are more than capable of doing a lot of stuff themselves and its not my job to be a martyr. After that I can step back, breathe more freely again, and be a better Mama for them.

And then, as this Mama is wont to do, I began to analyse this quote a little more. What if the said expectations were unrealistic or unhelpful? What if they lead to pain and suffering?

Now this wasn't just an idle thought, no. You see I've been waning these past few days. You may have noticed a lack of blog posts, little writing and certainly little meaningful content. All I've been able to manage on some days is to look at my desk and sigh. On other days I've added a photo. Usually taken by someone else. At other times I've sat down to what I can only describe as writer's block. Then last night I just wanted to yell. At anyone. For anything. And at the bakery this morning I was teary and tired...

Clearly I need a break.

And so I've adjusted my expectations. For the next couple of weeks I'm not expecting myself to write a post for everyday and this week I'm not expecting myself to review a book or a blog. I may post a photo if I feel like it and perhaps I might write if the inspiration strikes. But for now this Mama needs some rest and some time to imagine some new directions....

Peace to you dear readers...

My vision board - the next couple of weeks are all about adding to this, imagining new directions, getting clear about the directions I'm already heading in and basically spring cleaning this Mama from Mount Beauty.

Organising this Mama

The biggest part of organising us is to organise this Mama herself. And I know it sounds a little un-politically-correct and perhaps even arrogant, but in this family at least its the Mama who holds everything together most of the time. Its Mama who organises and prepares and thinks ahead for the family as a whole (as well as most of the parts). And that's how it should be.
And so I've made myself a Home Management Journal (the capital letters make it sound very official and important don't you think?) to help get my thoughts and planning out of my head and into some sort of consistent approach.
I've borrowed this idea from Down to Earth (the book and the blog), which I wrote about here, and sewed the folder cover a while ago to take on our trip to Tasmania at Easter time (you may have seen Rosie with it in some of the photos). Its now nicely repurposed to hold my planning sheets, lists of jobs, garden notes, budget etc...


Watch out world....this Mama is organised...

 

This week

It's been a dreary, grey week in Mount Beauty - quite unlike most of the weather here. And, as if in response to the grey clouds, this Mama has had a grey week too.

It often happens when family leave that the following few days feel low and flat and this week was no exception. Time for writing has been scarce, the garden is wet and muddy, I cut my thumb through my fingernail and one of our poor hens (Pippy) was taken by a fox (and another - Poppy - has a gash in her rump from said fox). To say this Mama feels bad is an understatement. It's been one of those weeks with lots of jobs and not much reprieve and I'm feeling tired and stretched thin. *Sigh*

I tell myself...
It happens sometimes doesn't it?

So I focus on how good it will feel when things swing back my way, and know that they'll be even more beautiful because of these low times. And for that I AM grateful.

Carolyn x x x

Learning together

Learning is such a collaborative process.

As a teacher this is something I saw all the time and I worked hard to encourage collaboration, discussion and joint learning. It was one of my main agendas then, and remains very high on my list of priorities now as a parent.

Life, to me, is about joyful learning and this happens so often with someone beside us to share that joy.

From playing games together to reading side-by-side and walking hand-in-hand, learning together is so beautiful to see in our children and it fills this Mama's heart with joy to see it on display so often around this home of ours.

Enjoy, dear readers....

Friday book review: Simplicity Parenting

"If a child has been able in his play to give up his whole living being to the world around him, he will be able, in the serious tasks of later life, to devote himself with confidence to the service of the world"

- Rudolf Steiner

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kidsby Kim John Payne is one of my favourite go-to books as a Mama.
So many times I've found myself musing over the complexity that can creep into our lives when I reach for this book and find an answer in its pages.
Yes, I love books, I'll be up front here. And I do have a lot of them dear readers (see my little treasures post to read about the $1000 I spent on them just last year!). But that doesn't mean I have just any books, in fact the books that I have are thoughtfully chosen and very special to this Mama.
This is another one of those extra special ones because it says things that guide me as a mother:

"Too many scheduled activities may limit a child's ability to motivate and direct themselves" (p.138)

"Rhythm and ritual are what we aim for; predictability may be what we achieve" (p.98)

"Children need experience, not entertainment, in play" (p. 80)

Ahhh...there is such common sense and beauty in this book. Sometimes I snuggle up with it for some late night peace of mind and sometimes I keep it on my bookstand as I type and take a dip into its wisdom each time I sit down. Either way its staying on my shelves and in the life of our family.

Playful learning spaces

It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them. - Leo F. Buscaglia

Oh, I do so love play. I love that playful feeling you get when you're learning and having fun at the same time. I see it so often, too, in our girls. They play with things, they learn more about them, and in the process they learn just a bit more about themselves.
So, since this Mama is also an educator at heart, we have a houseful of little nooks and crannies designed to encourage just this kind of playful learning, out-of-the-box thoughts and lateral thinking.
These aren't detailed, specific 'learning stations' like you might have in a classroom - more like open-ended play corners that the girls can pick and choose from, mix up together, drag apart - whatever takes their fancy whenever we're at home. Of course, these spaces also move from time to time and change shape or focus to suit our needs and keep up daily inspiration. But there's always a reading corner (such as important part of our family's life), a cleared table for creating on (our 'blank slate'), soft floor cushions and couches for reflective moments (or beds, or cubby house walls....), dolls and bears for imaginary play, a dress-up box and lately an Australian geography corner in preparation for our all-Australia travels next year.
I've written about the importance of play before because its just such a cornerstone of our approach to parenting and life. This mama very strongly believes that a playful family is a healthy family.

Good day to you all!

The overall effect (a.k.a. lowering my expectations)

Oh, this tears at the heart of this Mama. For so long I've strived to be everything, aimed too high and exhausted myself in the process. I think what I have needed is to lower my expectations. But to be honest folks, I'm scared. In fact I'm filled with dread and anxiety at the thought of even discussing this.
I think, and this is delving deeply, that lowering my expectations is synonymous with dying to me. That perfectionistic, high-achieving part of myself is screaming out No! Let me live. Let me drive your life.
But I don't want that to drive my life anymore. At the very least its unhealthy for me, and at the very best it could change my life. Though, like sugar, I recognise that aiming high is not in itself a bad thing. Its just that it gets out of control for me and I lose perspective (and then gain anxiety, depression etc...).
What I want is to lower many of my expectations, but not all. Don't get me wrong here - I don't wan to aim low or aim for nothing (heaven forbid). But I do want to let down those expectations that I have of myself and others that are unrealistic and do more harm than good. (Of course what is realistic to one can be unrealistic to another but that's for another post methinks).
For example; it would do this Mama some good to lower her expectations about how many children she 'should' have ('should' is definitely worth another post). Somewhere in my head I think that more children equals better parenting, or perhaps more worthwhile parenting. Two children was definitely not on the agenda. And yet now I find myself very happy with my two little cherubs, but still beat myself up inside about not having more. And here's the crux of it: sometimes this Mama thinks she's not good enough because she's 'only had two children'.
Clearly this is not a helpful thought, but it continues to pop up and reinforces an expectation that's unrealistically high.
I could think (and I am working on this one, its BIG) that two children are just fine and its the love I give that's important. I could also imagine that I do have more children already (my own inner child, Ian's inner child, other people's children we see and play with, my niece and nephew...). Everyone's a child really, adults just have other layers of maturity too.
Its just that lowering this expectation (and others like it) requires quite a leap of faith, quite a letting go that fills me with dread and fear. Like a massive mountain I need to scale.
So I tell myself its the overall effect that's important. Its not the detail (which I get bogged down in) and it doesn't need to be perfect or exactly what I imagined (because I have a strong imagination). Saying this to myself helps to curb my perfectionism by focusing on the big picture, helping me to forgive myself for mistakes and encouraging me to take a deep breathe and stop doing - and then I can better appreciate what I've done.
Its such an important thought for me - and perhaps, dear readers, if perfectionism and anxiety is a problem for you it might help too. Its the overall effect you see....

Homemade

Homemade has been on the agenda in an increasing way lately for us. Our sourdough loaves continue (and continue to improve methinks), the homemade butter still delights us and our visitors and now we've added homemade pasta to our repertoire.

Ian's spaghetti creations

My oh my, I had never really eaten pasta before Ian's homemade spaghetti noodles. I mean, I'd eaten that stuff that comes in packets, dried from the supermarket of course. But fresh, soft, long pasta made from flour and Henny Penny's eggs. *Mmmmm*.

The colour, texture and taste was truly wonderful - and the girls had seconds. Best of all though? Ian put his love and effort proudly into their creation. Seriously. Awesome. Any man who makes me pasta from scratch gets big ticks in my book.

Ian hard at work

So all this homemade, real food has got this mama thinking - what's so special about homemade? I mean, its trendy (think recycling, upcycling, repurposing etc...) and all that, but that's never been something to drive this mama.

What is it that's driving me and us on this homemade journey?

Firstly its all about connectedness and being more down to earth. My post-natal depression came as a surprise, but looking back I can see the lesson in the challenge - I've been too far from the ground for too long. I've been unanchored and floating. I thought that was the freedom I wanted (and perhaps for a while it was). From trying to be too much to trying to be like others to trying to do everything, I was exhausted even before we brought Rosie into the world. Handmaking things for us brings me closer to who I am and what I have right now.

Homemade is also about valuing the traditions of old, about connecting (again) with our family's past - Nan and Mum both knit, sew and fix cloth. They cook from scratch. They grow fruit and veggies. Pa, who is no longer with us in person, was the first one to be in the garden, growing and sowing, weeding and feeding. This is our heritage and its one that I want to carry on for myself and our little family.

Homemade is also about valuing our individuality. With homemade food, clothes, toys etc... we move away from consumerism, mass marketing and the treadmill urging us to have the same as everyone else. We are all individuals and our homemade approach helps to value and develop our uniqueness.

Focussing on a handmade home also brings balance to this world of technological wizardry and ever-increasing computing speed. Yes, this mama has an iphone, an ipad and blog that she loves, but she doesn't like the feeling of trying to keep up with something new everyday (every hour?). That speed leaves me feeling even more unanchored and increases my anxiety. Our girls deserve a chance to choose what works for them too. In our house we remain relatively unplugged from this world. Making things by hand, knowing where they came from and how they were put together balances the great unknowns of our technology and the system we live in.

This is why I value homemade for our little family of four learners. Most of the time though I don't think about these reasons. I just know that it feels good. That I feel calm and in control when I use my hands as much as my head to make something for us.

Wishing you, dear readers, a lovely, lovely day.

Just a tidbit please

This mama has slipped off the sugar-free wagon. It happened slowly - a dessert here, some honey there, an accepted offer of chocolate....a donut from the bakery....caramel slice....
*sigh*
So delicious, these little tidbits...and so, well, satisfying.
And yet I can feel myself begin to clog up. I can feel those crazy cravings return and demand my attention. I can watch as I bend my days in order to incorporate more sugar here and there. Its subtle and subversive but most definitely alive and taking power from me.
'Tis a curious thing, the recognition that your life is being driven, to some extent, by the forces of a chemical found commonly in everyday life.
Don't get me wrong here, I don't necessarily believe that sugar is bad, just that I don't have a very strong ability to say no to its wiles. My tolerance is low and I'm easily swayed.
But I've also had enough of this. You see, I want to be in control. I want to know what my limits are - how much I can have before I'll tip over the edge and cravings will start to rule.
But I need to be gentle with myself. Like many things in life its a journey, sometimes magical and enlightening and sometimes just baby steps and forgiveness for falling down again. This Mama definitely needs to be gentle and let her inner child learn and grow, and let her inner critic take a long holiday.

Little treasures

Its the little things in life that make all the difference to the big things I think. This Mama often looks to the big and bold when things become a challenge and seeks to fix or change or throw something out and then 'it will all be better'. But time and again this proves me wrong and I see that its the little treasures, the small efforts, that make the difference. All that is required is a little shift in perspective and suddenly is seen afresh by this tired Mama's eyes.
This is how it has been for our home these holidays. Our $21 challenge finished up a couple of weeks ago and finally, finally, dear readers, I finished going through all our expenses for the past financial year.
And my what a shock! I knew that my penchant for books probably meant that I spent too much there. And I knew deep down that the delightful Sassy Road in Mount Beauty probably received too much of our loving cash (but oh my the clothes are amazing). But $1000 on books? No! $1700 at Sassy Road? Wow.
And that doesn't include the money I spent on my daily visits to our little supermarket or the coffees and 'cinos and treats...
*ahem*
All these little treasures certainly added up to a big overspend last year.
So the talk around our home lately has been about shifting our perspectives just a bit more. A bit more of a focus on relationships with people rather than things. A bit more love. A bit more homemade and upcycled. A bit more mindfulness and a bit more organisation. And all these little bits...well they might just shift the budget back in the black too. Its baby steps for us again - just like Bethany.
Further to this week's budget blasting are the challenges we help our own little treasures through on a daily basis. Like our overspending on expenses, Rosie often overspends her energies and is overwhelmed by emotions and how things feel on her skin. Her path through life is often complicated by her sensitivity - sometimes a blessing and sometimes a challenge - very much like this Mama herself. And sometimes we look (again) to big and bold changes and things to 'fix' Rosie so that she may feel calm and confident. AND again these are surprisingly dead ends that lead nowhere. For its little treasures that make this difference - a smile here, a cuddle there, reading a chapter of a book together, a hot drink or some fresh popcorn. These little things can break a stalemate and release the pent up emotional friction so that she may breathe freely again, even if only for a moment. Its these little treasures that this Mama works on each day.
And in her own way, Bethany struggled to breathe last week. As a virus took hold she was a miserable little one who needed lots of cuddles, help sleeping and multiple trips to our wonderful local doctors. And as we made our way through this illness together, it was the little treasures and attentions that brought us closer together and slowly brought her back to health.
Wishing you days full of little treasures with your little ones...

Our little treasures creating art together

Our budget spreadsheet - very exact and organised, but its what this Mama needs to take control of her spending!

 

Homemade butter

Yes, I made my own. Something I've been wanting to do for a long while. And it tastes just like butter.

After purchasing cream that came from local cows I used firstly my cake mixer to make a batch (which was quite slow I admit), and then my food processor to make another two batches (much quicker). I used some instructions from Down to Earth about making butter easily at home if you're interested.

The photos are worth a lot more than my words today.... enjoy.

Our $21 Challenge - part 2

We're part-way through the $21 challenge week and so far I've spent the $21 on ham, cheese, icing sugar, apples and mince. It didn't go far but our pantry is mostly full so we should be okay. Job done right? I came in (technically) at $21.09 and thought that I was close enough. But then we 'needed' more stuff for home.

Like some coffee beans (we couldn't go without those could we?).

And I'd promised a friend we could meet for coffee in town (I couldn't pull out of that could I?).

And so the lines around what is acceptably 'feeding the family' and what is a special treat for us are quite blurry it appears. And I suspect this is part of the clarity I'm seeking to improve upon in this budgeting quest.

Despite going over our $21 (and there are 3 days to go in our challenge still) I did plan our dinners for the week and am on track with those. We had creamy chicken pasta for the past two nights and tonight I'm making chicken soup from the stock I made with the leftover bones. Tomorrow is lasagne with the mince, but I need to make my own pasta sheets, something I've never done before, because our budget didn't stretch to that and I thought it could be fun (will let you know about that!). Friday night we're going to a friend's house for dinner so its covered already and Saturday will be lasagne again (a second batch). I've also left my cash at home so I'm not tempted to return to the supermarket or fruit shop.

And I've been thinking more about why this is important to me, this $21 challenge.

Reason number one is to help me be more organised and in control, both of my spending and what comes into our house.
Reason number two is the chance to save some money and get ahead a little financially
Reason number three is to give me more time, for me and for my family and community.
Number four is the impetus to cook more things from scratch. I'm pretty good at this, but want to be better. I want to make my own pasta, butter, bread, cheese and other staples.
And the final reason is the chance to declutter our pantry and fridge and the way I cook meals.

So far I'm learning more about all of these this week....

Our $21 Challenge - part 1

I've switched perspective recently. I stopped thinking about teaching and academic work and started to think of home as my workplace. I wrote a post about coming home to work last month and my journey has continued happily along this path since then.

Whenever I'm feeling on edge, up in the air or unanchored, I think about my home as my work, as my temple and as the place I give and receive love, and I'm immediately more grounded, more down-to-earth. And I can breathe a sigh of relief again (I do so like that feeling). Then I have more to give to our gorgeous girls, and that makes me a happy Mama too.

So this path has taken me to look at budgeting - something I've not ever been good at or really been interested in before. I haven't really liked to think about money or earning or anything like that too much. But lately I've been wondering if there's another way. If we can declutter our money and live more slowly by spending more slowly.

Then I read some posts about budgeting on Slow your Home and that got me thinking about it more. Then I talked to Mum and Dad. And then I did some more thinking. And then I started doing stuff like looking at our last 12 months worth of bills and credit card statements and actually working out what we spent on stuff (a bit scary to begin with). I took my cards out of my purse and started leaving them at home. And then Mum sent me a copy of The $21 Challenge by Fiona Lippey and Jackie Gowerand this week we are spending only $21 on food for the family and using what we already have in the fridge, pantry and garden for the rest.

Will let you all know how we go by the end of the week....

Playgroup

My how they grow. From a baby girl last year to a walking, talking social butterfly this year, our littlest one is happily settling into life at playgroup, just like a big girl.
A great thing about Mount Beauty, this Mama thinks, is the way children of all ages play together, grow up together and ultimately learn together - and this starts around town and at playgroup from before they are walking.
They say it takes a village to raise a child...and in our little village that happens all the time.