Carolyn x x
Depression, particularly the post-natal depression I experienced, leaves a Mama raw, exposed and lost. Its such a travesty that in our wonderfully-gifted world there are many, many Mamas suffering in silence, losing their way and missing the joy of their little ones.
If you know someone like this then let me help them, let me help you dear Mama....
What does depression look like?
Firstly, let's be clear;
....a Mama needs to fill her cup so she can be there for her beautiful children
....a healthy Mama feels clear (able to see better times ahead even if she's tired now)
....she feels full of compassion for herself and her children
....she is able to make big decisions given some time
....she is creative
....she takes time for herself despite the needs of her baby/children
....she still loves her life even during those tougher times
A healthy Mama is not:
....constantly anxious
....unable to sleep despite being tired
....feeling low more often than not
....avoiding going out or seeing or talking to others
....seeing everything as black and white (bland and devoid of colour)
These are signs that you're needing help. You might not have depression, but you're not coping either.
And this is the tricky part....if you're feeling antisocial as a rule then it can be hard (it felt impossible for me) to ask for help, or go to someone and admit you have a problem. This is okay Mama...its part of the journey of depression.
The Journey of Depression
And as much as it can be helpful to have a diagnosis of depression or to think of it as an illness, a journey is a more appropriate way to think of it. Depression isn't just, I believe, a chemical or hormonal imbalance. If it was then it would be relatively simple to diagnose with a test and be treated accordingly. No, the journey of depression requires immediate treatment in as many ways as possible, followed by a deep looking within. Make no mistake here - depression will change your life, but I guarantee in the long run will change it for the better.
Depression is your soul's invitation to examine your life
To heal from depression - to take it's messages and move forward - we must look deeply. We must dig deeper and breathe deeper.
In fact, take a few deep breaths now Mama.....
It can take time to realise you have depression too. Sometimes it can take several bouts, or episodes where it's worse, for your own mind to recognise the signs. And this is another tricky thing about depression...your own mind needs to see that it has a problem - difficult when its not functioning properly. So we must work on a deeper way to 'look' at the problem. We need to work from the heart.
Working from the heart of depression
Depression is a celebration of your soul's ability to change your life
Firstly, you must get to a space where you can look within - do what it takes here....take antidepressants, quit that job, ask your extended family for regular help, cry on the floor until someone takes you to the hospital, take two days away by yourself, pray for the grace of healing - do all of these things until you can feel colour in your life again, until you can smile and think again.
This is the difficult bit. Its going to suck. Its going to feel like a part of you is dying. But I don't believe there's any other way to tackle this crisis of your soul.
Depression signals an upcoming turning-point in your life
Then, when you have some space, examine your inner life. The inner creates the outer. What are your thoughts about yourself, your depression, your family and children that are holding you back? Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life
can be helpful for examining thoughts and creating helpful affirmations.Here are some thoughts, quotes and affirmations that help me:
Start before you're ready - Steven Pressfield
Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before - Mae West
I can ask for help
I can accept help
I welcome help into my life
Help is everywhere I turn
Others are feeling bad because I won't let them help me (a bit of reverse psychology here but it works for me sometimes)
Bring on the suffering (sounds counter-intuitive, but in my experience depression is an absence of feeling and allowing the suffering to really sink in pushed me to make the changes I needed).
Scary?
Deep breath Mama....
Next, work through the following questions to help jump-start some deeper soul-searching and to really feel the pain you've had frozen in your heart:
1. How awful have you been feeling? Let it all out on this page. All the hurt, the despair, the guilt, the anger, the blame, the lack of hope, the fear. Be still and allow it to come to the surface. Be not afraid, just let your hand do the writing and get it out.
Now put this pain aside, just for a moment if that's all you can manage.
2. Think of a time when things were great and magnificent, when you felt alive and turned-on. What brought colour into your life? What did you feel passionate about? What exactly brought you joy? What were you like when you were doing these things?
With this question its best to start a list and add to it over a few days. Let the feeling of passion return to you in its own time.
3. In order for your depression to be healed you must ask for the grace of healing and do everything in your power to show that you mean it. Write a prayer asking to be healed of your depression and sign it.
Now look at your list from question 2 and begin making changes in your life to bring the passion back again - your attention to your passions is a further commitment to your healing.
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