Surrendering

"Our image of awakening to and fulfilling our divine potential evokes the idea of an individual who is whole and complete, separated from lesser mortals, isolated and alone. Culturally, we have yet to envision a realistic, appealing model of the spiritually empowered human being....." (Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts )

But I'm going to have a go anyway....

I've been working towards spiritual empowerment for a long while now, perhaps since I was a teenager. I've read a lot of books, called my search lots of different things, attended courses, listened to talks and lectures and thought and thought and thought about it all. Most recently I obtained the services of a coach (Tara Bliss - you might have heard me mention her before) who has helped to point me in the direction of a practical approach to becoming spiritually empowered.

I now have a regular, daily spiritual practice, which developed rather naturally out of my discussions with Tara. I do this each day, whenever it fits in around homeschooling, nappy changes, shopping, cooking, gardening etc... I know that early morning is meant to be the best time for this sort of spiritual focus, but it doesn't work that way in my life at the moment, so I do what I can with what I have. And it seems that that is enough.

In this practice I light a candle, meditate for 5 or 10 minutes (whatever my girls will allow before they need me) and shuffle my oracle/angel/flower cards (see Doreen Virtue ) and choose one from the top of the deck. I read its message and think about how to approach the day, or about what that message means for the worries I'm holding on to at that moment. Sometimes the message is clear, sometimes it becomes clear over the course of the day. Sometimes I act on the message despite a lack of understanding of why I must. I choose to trust in these moments each day, to surrender to guidance that's outside my head and ego.

This is my path to spiritual empowerment now. This surrender brings me long-sought-after-peace. This is what I DO, rather than read and think about (although I still read a lot too - am looking forward to receiving Vibrational Medicine by Gerber in my hot little hands soon). And when things become tricky in life - when there's a sudden, unexpected change of direction or a disappointment or challenge - I now more easily surrender. I have faith that this is happening for a massively awesome reason. That this is testing my ability to trust and that I can choose to panic and try to fix things, or choose to face the discomfort head on and enjoy the change as its happening.

This lets those things that I dream about, those changes I want, to proceed more quickly. I can surrender and get our of the way. I can 'resign as general manager of the universe' as the Passion Test says.

So this is what spiritual empowerment looks like for me - I'm still human, still dream of love and a permaculture property and lots of travel....

But I also look to the big picture for daily guidance, I listen to my intuition more and am becoming better at listening to my body. I think about how I can appreciate others more and practice gratitude as often as I get the chance. I pray. I meditate. I love yoga. I ask for grace in my life and the lives of my family and friends.

This, my friends, is my vision of being whole. xx

Embracing Vulnerability

"Practice outrageous acts of love"        - Caroline Myss


I've stepped up my 'self love' efforts a notch since I last wrote. I've been working on loving myself outrageously so that I may shine brightly and pass that light onto others that I love too.

The first thing I've done, and you may have noticed this from the previous post, is begun to wean myself off my anti-depressant medication.

Deep breath Mama....

I must admit that I'm feeling vulnerable and outside my comfort zone - I'm worried I may have made a mistake, that I'll yell or scream again, that I'll go back to sleepless exhaustion and a deep, deep hole in my mind..... But I'm also optimistic that its the right time to 'give it a try' because there's never going to be a great time to do this. Its always going to be a risk....because, really, life is a risk. And if we're not risking then we're not really living.

"Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving"

 My second outrageous act of self love has been to begin meditating in a more consistent way. Of course I've tried this before without much success (and to be honest without much guidance) but this time it feels different. I get it now. I've been reading more online and in books - making connections and giving things a go.

And its been working most of the time.

I can cocoon myself in love from my heart with a 10 minute meditation on our rug or in the backyard.

I can go for a run in the bush and focus on my breath and feel energised (and my back and legs don't hurt as much)

I've started swimming again, and doing yoga more regularly....

Clearly meditation is good for me.


"Fears point to where we're supposed to go next" - Tara Bliss


And my third act of self-love has been to make contact with a mentor for some guidance....

Now this isn't something I do lightly - commitment, especially where money is involved, is tricky for me and takes some courage. I also don't ask for help very well. Somehow my pleas become caught in my throat, my mind comes crashing in and I get stuck in a hole again. Its happened lots and lots of times (and lots and lots more) and somehow seems related to my depression too. And so for some guidance in matters both spiritual and practical I chose the amazing Tara Bliss who's blog, Such Different Skies, I read regularly with enthusiasm.

I love Tara's curiosity, her ability to look deeply into herself and honestly pass on what she finds there. And I love the way she embraces vulnerability - something I have been working on myself. And finally I respect her steadfast commitment to a spiritually rewarding, yet very modern life.

 

Artwork from my 'Self Love Prayer Flags' by the lovely Lori Portka

Sweet wishes to you in this holiday season dear readers, may you embrace your vulnerability during this busy time.

Carolyn x x