Tucking my vegetables into their Winter bed

My garden hasn't had much attention of late, with our recent trip around Australia.

And at this time of year, with frost fairies hard at work and short amounts of sunshine, the best thing I can do for my garden is give it a bit of a weed and a lovely warm covering of mulch.

I picked many handfuls of rocket and made the most delicious pesto.

I loaded up our car with big bales of pea straw.

And I tucked the existing carrots, kale, parsley and the rest of the rocket into their beds for the rest of this cold time of year - ready for Spring planting when the time comes.

I love that my little garden babies have their roots kept warm and snug, but this Winter garden task has a greater purpose also.

I'm a big fan of permaculture as both an ideal and a common sense practice. Permaculture teaches us that everything is connected and to work smarter and with heart, rather than harder. A good philosophy for life is it not?

By mulching my beds at this time of year I'm providing a layer which will prevent the majority of Spring weeds coming through - a time saving measure. And I'm giving my soil protection from our frosts, and since I used pea straw - more nitrogen when it breaks down.

In short, I'm building productive energy in my soil (and in my soul too), ready to be released once the turning point comes and growth takes off.

One of my favourite books, Permaculture: Principles and Pathways beyond Sustainability is sitting on my kitchen table at the moment. A quick look reminds me that this mulching I'm doing is part of principle number two - 'catch and store energy' - a wise move to be making in this Winter lull.

Have you mulched your Winter beds? Are they ready for that turning point in Spring? How does your garden (and heart) grow at this time of year?

Are you hooked on stereotypes?

I do this a lot - so subliminally I barely recognise it sometimes...

I make assumptions about what I can and can't do based on stereotypical images in my head.

I'm no expert here, but I think we all do this right? 

Our ego loves a definite proposition and stereotypes and pigeonholing can be very appealing, even necessary sometimes.

Except when it stops us from moving forward.

We hold our stereotypes up to the light, mount them on a pedestal and bow down to their stories of suffering and mishap. 

It's amazing how a good story can have a greater allure than following your heart even when that story is holding you back.

My regulars at the moment are romantic images of total self-sufficiency in the 70s (a la 'The Good Life') and the stereotype of the warm motherly figure baking bread and homeschooling her children 24/7. Lovely stories and images that feed my ego but I somehow always fall short of.

How do I know these are constructs of my ego and not my soul gold?

Firstly, they're extreme. I hear myself saying things like 'I'm doing x so I should be doing y aswell' or 'I can't have that AND that - they don't go together'. 

I also know because, when I slow down enough, I can feel myself pulled off centre. Trying to be something other than myself.

And that's not cool.

So what do I do?

Firstly, I gently remind myself that I don't need to throw the baby out with the bath water (a favourite saying in my family). In other words, there's still merit in the images in my head, they just need some adjusting.

Then, when all is calm again, I (gently) visualise myself unhooking the parts of said stereotype. I take my image of total self-sufficiency (for example) and see that it's made up of lots of actionable parts and I imagine unhooking them from one another, so that I may more easily choose the parts that feel right for me, and be okay with letting the other parts go.

Then I feel ease return, and I can step forward once again with a real picture of myself.

Which stereotypes/images in the media/identities are you commonly drawn to? Are you hooked up with them?

Facing the death of a loved one

"Everything is connected, everything continues" - Thich Nhat Hanh

This is the week my Nan passed away. She was a gentle soul, a stable love in my life and had the most graceful smile I've ever experienced.

To say I miss her is an understatement and my heart is most certainly broken open with a despair that I'm trying hard to contain.

It feels murky here in these depths - a grey void of difficulty where my ego desperately wants things to stay the same and my heart knows she needed to move on. That I need to move on too.

I'm no expert on the death of loved ones and to be very raw and vulnerable with you - I avoid thinking about it and go out of my way to avoid the fear of my own death.

Nan's passing has made me panicky and afraid - of depression returning and of my own coming end one day.

I need to be super kind with myself right now and thought you'd like to know how I've been giving to myself in this time of turmoil:

1. I'm letting myself cry. Perhaps an obvious one but very important all the same.

2. I'm admitting to myself that this heartache is necessary for my spiritual growth. Heartache is good. It opens us up and let's us give more.

3. I'm choosing to believe that Nan continues on in us all, in my whole family, in the very fibre of our physical beings. Her love and strength now falls upon our shoulders to be carried forward.

As I said, I'm no expert on this, but I'm working on grounding myself through these actions.

I'm also thinking logically that there are joys to be had from every moment of our lives - otherwise why are we here? 

And so as I feel that grief and ache in my heart I also recognise that I'm so, so privileged to have had Nan's unconditional love, her gentleness and her care. The force of my grief is a testament to that. And with that knowledge I have a great strength to love and live with joy.

When we transmute and transform our pain, 

when we let it change us, 

we let the sun shine again.

A quote to leave with you...

"I am not afraid of dying because I see myself in...you. You have come to learn with me and there is a lot of me within you. I am giving myself to you. If you have received some understanding, some compassion, and some awakening from me then I am continued in you. Later on, if someone wants to look for me, they just come to you and they see me". Thich Nhat Hanh

Wide open wings

Nan passed away this week.

Such a kind and loving soul, she is one of the most pivotal people in my life. 

She taught me unconditional love through her actions, she protected me right up to her physical end and she and I made the most wonderful memories together.

I miss her strong hugs, her graceful smile and her boundless love for me.

I'm cracked open. Raw. Fragile. And I need care today as I grieve and heal.

I have a wound where I was holding on tight to Nan, and now she's gone it's raw and exposed.

But I want to air it out. I want to let my wound breathe and heal and form a scar. And in doing so remind me of that precious grandmotherly love, so that I may soar in this world with wide open wings.

For Nan and I.

Fancy a Mid-Year Metamorphosis?

How are you feeling (for real) at this time of year, as the days are short and cold?

Stuck? Resistant? Seized up? Frozen?

Well, he he he.....let me tell you a story....

Mid-year is traditionally a low time for me - anxiety, uncontrollable boredom and resistance and the onset of post-natal

depression for the second time - have all fallen at this time of year. It's a time I look out for and put strategies in place.

And so I'm offering a new coaching program this Winter - to help with those mid-year blues.

Coaching in Personal Transformation and Wellbeing has been on my radar for a while now. I live and breathe all things metaphysical, spiritual, soul-full - learning, growth, success, passion, purpose, authenticity.

And it seems that those I've worked with like my approach too.

"Having a coaching session with Carolyn helped me to unravel my chaotic thoughts and see my 'problems' from a whole new perspective" - Rhonda

"I feel great after this session. Thanks...for your time and insightful wisdom" - Megan.

On top of all this I have that divine sense that this is one of the things I'm here for. It's one of my callings in life.

And so...

I'm opening up a new school of thought - a Mid-Year Metamorphosis Coaching Program.

Available from the Winter Solstice, I'll help you to transform, grow and step forward as the days lengthen and the energy builds this year.

Here are the deets for you lovely friends:

$100 for two one-on-one coaching sessions via Skype or regular ol' phone and I can help you with:

- identifying your passions via the Passion Test

- strategies for stepping up and moving forward

- working through resistance and coming unstuck

- facing fears and embracing vulnerability

- gaining clarity and insight

- grounding dreams into reality

- shifting your perspective and seeing the big picture

If this is ringing your bell shoot me an email and we'll be off in the sunset together babe, I would love to hear from you:

carolynfranzke@gmail.com

Much love,

Carolyn xxxxx

RAW - a poem

I've felt called to write poetry this day. Perhaps it's the big skies we're experiencing on this trip around out country, perhaps it's the sunsets and sunrises we're privy to each day.

Mother Nature is surely the ultimate poet and the writer of our inner-most desires.

One of my core desired feelings (thanks to Danielle LaPorte) is raw. Here is my ode to that delicious feeling:

RAW

A poem

What do you look like,

Beneath these layers you carry?

Are you weak?

Are you broken?

Are you whole?

What can be loved,

Beneath these layers you carry?

Is it hope?

Is it strength?

Is it awoken?

What do you feel,

As you take these layers away?

Are you proud?

Are you certain?

Are you raw?

Are you hiding behind your books?

I'm exploring a new way of writing, which is really a new way of creating, a new way of living.

Bear with me as I paint a picture for you...

I've been writing from my soul much more lately, with as much flow as I'm given. I write what feels personally important, what's calling me, without question. I just get it out there.

And a funny thing's been happening.

You know I used to read a lot - self help books, personal transformation books, cutting edge thoughts, programs etc - to ingest others' ideas in order to get through a problem and move forward. 

But the last few years have brought a shift - I'm reading less and writing more.

I'm looking inwards for answers and giving them to the world, rather than looking to others for answers and assimilating them within.

It's a subtle and profound shift.

It seems that there's a time for learning from others before you, and a time for pushing forward, over the edge and into new territory, carving a path where none previously existed.

A path based on faith and trust - a co-created way forward for all.

So, some questions and thoughts for you - Transformed Mamas, Teachers and Lovelies....

Are you hiding behind your books?

Are they, in fact, holding back your creativity?

What would happen if you put the self help books away and trusted yourself instead? What if you embraced the wobbly emptiness of that void and stepped up anyway?

Keeping myself raw

I used to shy away from pain and heartbreak - and if I'm honest my natural tendency is still to do so. If something hurt I turned away. If something grated I covered myself up. If anything got too hot, too spicy, too whole I would do an about face and promptly bury myself in a self-help book to feel better.

But I do things differently now, I've realised. I let myself feel the real. I aim to feel raw.

I face up more. I turn away less. I ask myself empowering questions and expect joy more frequently. I allow myself to feel heartbreak - and know that I'm okay.

It's the shift that allows joy into my life.

So: To all Mamas, Papas, teachers and learners out there....

Where are you holding yourself back?

What are those questions like in your head? Do they assume optimism? Can you trade them up for more positive ones? (Think: How can I be kind to myself today?)

How can you feel raw today?