Our solstice days

With Christmas coming closer and the Summer Solstice now past we have had a week of family, hot days (over 40 degrees Celsius at one point) and now some Summer rain to keep the garden growing wildly.
Rosie is happily home for the holidays after a full year of school (albeit with lots of homeschooling days, as is our bent). Its a lovely thought to know that she'll be around all day everyday for imaginative play, reading, adventures and whatever-takes-our-fancy.
Bethany is now talking more too, after a couple of months of that frustration that comes from not being understood. I'm sure she must have been telling us detailed stories and asking complex questions, and yet we were oblivious.
A new side of this little girl is now emerging, to the joy of everyone.
And so, with friends and family in tow, we journey to Melbourne tomorrow for Christmas festivities and begin to think about the new year.

Wishing you connection, creativity and joy over this holiday season.

Carolyn x x

Rosie painting Ian's nails ready for a 'play' she wrote.

Nana needed her nails done too!

Miss Rosie has actually become a lot better at applying nailpolish

Miss Bethany deep in play by herself - so lovely to see

Nana and Pop bought this 'paint by numbers' for Rosie for her birthday - but I think they like it more than she does...








Purple-podded peas growing well in the warm weather


Our substantial strawberry patch is still producing thanks to some selective watering over the hotter days

Miss Pippy, our largest hen, in the chook yard.

Unwrapping my inner child

Christmas is a time for me when family expectations, or at least my perception of the expectations, can trump the joy and excitement I see in my girls faces. 

This year I worked on being present (ha, ha), focused on letting tension go and on unwrapping my inner child, if only for a few hours.

My inner child plays better, she accepts more and she's more able to let others do things for her.

This has been my Christmas - and I DO feel more relaxed, despite my initial expectations.

How has your Christmas been dear Mamas?

X x

Embracing Vulnerability

"Practice outrageous acts of love"        - Caroline Myss


I've stepped up my 'self love' efforts a notch since I last wrote. I've been working on loving myself outrageously so that I may shine brightly and pass that light onto others that I love too.

The first thing I've done, and you may have noticed this from the previous post, is begun to wean myself off my anti-depressant medication.

Deep breath Mama....

I must admit that I'm feeling vulnerable and outside my comfort zone - I'm worried I may have made a mistake, that I'll yell or scream again, that I'll go back to sleepless exhaustion and a deep, deep hole in my mind..... But I'm also optimistic that its the right time to 'give it a try' because there's never going to be a great time to do this. Its always going to be a risk....because, really, life is a risk. And if we're not risking then we're not really living.

"Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving"

 My second outrageous act of self love has been to begin meditating in a more consistent way. Of course I've tried this before without much success (and to be honest without much guidance) but this time it feels different. I get it now. I've been reading more online and in books - making connections and giving things a go.

And its been working most of the time.

I can cocoon myself in love from my heart with a 10 minute meditation on our rug or in the backyard.

I can go for a run in the bush and focus on my breath and feel energised (and my back and legs don't hurt as much)

I've started swimming again, and doing yoga more regularly....

Clearly meditation is good for me.


"Fears point to where we're supposed to go next" - Tara Bliss


And my third act of self-love has been to make contact with a mentor for some guidance....

Now this isn't something I do lightly - commitment, especially where money is involved, is tricky for me and takes some courage. I also don't ask for help very well. Somehow my pleas become caught in my throat, my mind comes crashing in and I get stuck in a hole again. Its happened lots and lots of times (and lots and lots more) and somehow seems related to my depression too. And so for some guidance in matters both spiritual and practical I chose the amazing Tara Bliss who's blog, Such Different Skies, I read regularly with enthusiasm.

I love Tara's curiosity, her ability to look deeply into herself and honestly pass on what she finds there. And I love the way she embraces vulnerability - something I have been working on myself. And finally I respect her steadfast commitment to a spiritually rewarding, yet very modern life.

 

Artwork from my 'Self Love Prayer Flags' by the lovely Lori Portka

Sweet wishes to you in this holiday season dear readers, may you embrace your vulnerability during this busy time.

Carolyn x x

Facing our fears

Pushing through our fears brings us face to face with our raw, human vulnerability. Its something that's beyond the definition of words, beyond our ability to reason. And yet fears are faced all the time, by all of us.

As a Mama with post-natal depression I feel like I've been facing lots of fears over the last few years and although I still feel panic, and it still feels uncomfortable, I think I've become better at dealing with those feelings.

Some 'mantras' I've been saying to myself lately have really hit the spot for me, and I thought I'd share them with you too, dear reader. So when fear takes hold, hold on, and repeat these to yourself, perhaps they may help you too:

"feel the fear, and do it anyway"

 

"be the change you want to see"

 

"start before you're ready"

I LOVE these, and they certainly help me to distinguish fear from love and passion when I'm faced with a trickly decision or situation.

What's helping me the most at the moment, as I come off anti-depressants after 18 months, is focussing on my panic/fear/anxiety/whatever in a visceral way - how do these feel physically to me?
- does my body temperature rise?
-does my heart beat faster?
-do I feel tension in my body? Where?
-do I feel fluttery or shaky anywhere?
I focus as specifically as I can on how it feels in my body (not in my emotions) and also how long I feel like that for. Invariably I'm surprised by how short these episodes are and how effective this technique is for 'naming' the fear/anxiety etc...

It helps me to separate from them and I can then move on. I can then get on with acting on my intuition, taking the risks it suggests and living more fully.

May this post help you too, dear Mamas.

Carolyn x x x

Are you a Mountain Mama?

Fancy joining me for a tramp in New Zealand next March? I'm inviting all interested, like-minded mamas to come, walk, share and explore together.

See details on the 'mountain mamas' link above.

Lots of love,

Carolyn