This moment

It was her birthday yesterday but maybe its just hitting me today - she's not a baby anymore. I saw a friend's two month old today and he was just so small and cute and.... well so much of a real baby. And it occurred to me, in a visceral, heavy sort of way, that my baby is well past that now, never to return.
Of course I knew all of this logically, but I haven't really felt it. She's still a two month old in part of my head.
And I feel a deep sadness for myself too, in that way you feel when you realise (again) the fragility of life and the shortness of our time here in this body. But then I feel a joy for her and I - for her growing bigger and her learning, learning, learning.
For life is really a journey isn't it? Its not so much about 'being' this or that (a certain age or stage, or career or disposition) for we are always changing, whether we notice it or not.
And so I focus on the growth I see, on the emerging character that is Bethany in this moment. And on my own growth, as a mother and person, in this moment too.