Mallacoota: a place for reflection

It's in lovely Mallacoota that this Mama finds herself these few days. After a drive of many hours and an overnight stop in Bairnsdale we arrived, excited, in this place of reflection.
All around our camper trailer are the reflections of beach houses, emerald green hills and gently bobbing boats. If we venture further afield we find emotions reflected in the boil of the stormy ocean, the serene waters of the top lake and the aerial mastery of pelicans.
It's a place for looking forward and looking back.
Yesterday, as this Mama took an early morning walk along the boardwalk at the lake's edge, thoughts turned to past times here. Years and years of family holidays were spent in this delightful part of the world. Back in those days there was Nan and Pa helping to look after us, taking us on their boat and fishing with us. Our cousins would sometimes come too and family felt much closer. It is not melancholy that Mallacoota inspires, but rather gratitude for those special times that this Mama holds in her heart. And hope, too, that these few days here will be a part of my girls' special holiday memories as they grow.

Quiet dreaming

The house is empty except for me. The garden sings only the songs of the wind and the chickens and I are all that hear it.

If I stop. And sit. All I can hear is my breath.

Its so lovely, this quiet time. Its been too long since I had some, and although its tempting to blame circumstances for that, the reality is that the choice has always been mine. I've let chances for quiet reflection go, and I've hoped for some to come my way without putting in any effort. Now, after perhaps months of waiting, I have some time to myself.

And it feels like bliss.

My thoughts have stilled long enough for me to catch them and get some of them down on paper. I feel like I'm slowly exhaling out...out......out.......until I'm completely still and peaceful. Its delicious.

And I want some more please.

I read through my newly arrived copy of Spirited by Tara Bliss and Rachel McDonald and start asking myself some big questions - that's what reflection time is for right? That's why I've been needing this quiet space - so I can stop just doing and start thinking big again - so I can review my plans for myself and see if I'm thinking large enough - to see if I'm doing the most audacious thing I can be doing.

I think about my big dreams, some of which I've had for a while and some which are newbies:
1. I'm travelling through beautiful places in Australia visiting bookshops and signing copies of my inspiring, passionate book.
2. I'm living a joyful life where I feel freedom from self-sabotage, where I feel I can do what I dream of doing. Where my joy and inspiration is overflowing and my dreams are supported.
3. My skin is clear and radiates my natural beauty and joy.
4. I awaken each morning early, full of energy and clarity and quietly tap into a higher, loving self which guides me through my day with purpose.
5. I breathe life into my visions and dreams by sharing them with others with love through my blog and talking face to face.
6. I'm hiking to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro with great friends and in wonderful health. We have energy and a sense of accomplishment as we reach the top together.

Then I think about some other big questions - what are my gifts to the universe? And...what would happen if I treated my body with the utmost respect and kindness (from The Wellness Warrior)?
Wow, big questions indeed. And ones that will rest until my next quiet moment...as I hear the girls come in the door.

Just a bit wiser

I left Mount Beauty amidst some confusion and angst for our trip to Melbourne these last few days.

Some of Rosie's artwork - sometimes I feel like a four-headed mama too...

My head was full, as it often is for this Mama, but there was something more too. Something that for a while I couldn't quite define.

And then, over the course of an afternoon, just as I was packing, working, organising (and to be honest folks stressing), I felt it clearly - a lack of support. A feeling of alone-ness.

Not loneliness though. It was a feeling of having only myself to rely upon. That no-one else had the resources available to help me should I need it. It was an unsettling feeling.

And I wasn't sad per se, but this Mama was grateful for the change of scene nonetheless, and the chance to let that feeling sit without judgement or trying to change it.

So, as the girls played with their Noni and Pa and we viewed the wonderful exhibition of Monet's garden paintings, that feeling slowly changed and I began to feel a different part of me emerge. A stronger, clearer part of me. For it is through challenge and adversity that we learn and grow.

Our four days in Melbourne have now come to an end. And although we've said goodbye to family we're now back in our peaceful haven of Mount Beauty, surrounded by peaks dusted in the last of the Winter snows, the sun pouring into the valley and bike riders beginning to take over the roads again.

I think we all breathed a sigh of relaxed contentment as we settled back into out home and garden, together as a family again. It's nice to leave, but it nicer to come home again, richer for the experience and just a bit wiser too.