Surrendering

"Our image of awakening to and fulfilling our divine potential evokes the idea of an individual who is whole and complete, separated from lesser mortals, isolated and alone. Culturally, we have yet to envision a realistic, appealing model of the spiritually empowered human being....." (Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts )

But I'm going to have a go anyway....

I've been working towards spiritual empowerment for a long while now, perhaps since I was a teenager. I've read a lot of books, called my search lots of different things, attended courses, listened to talks and lectures and thought and thought and thought about it all. Most recently I obtained the services of a coach (Tara Bliss - you might have heard me mention her before) who has helped to point me in the direction of a practical approach to becoming spiritually empowered.

I now have a regular, daily spiritual practice, which developed rather naturally out of my discussions with Tara. I do this each day, whenever it fits in around homeschooling, nappy changes, shopping, cooking, gardening etc... I know that early morning is meant to be the best time for this sort of spiritual focus, but it doesn't work that way in my life at the moment, so I do what I can with what I have. And it seems that that is enough.

In this practice I light a candle, meditate for 5 or 10 minutes (whatever my girls will allow before they need me) and shuffle my oracle/angel/flower cards (see Doreen Virtue ) and choose one from the top of the deck. I read its message and think about how to approach the day, or about what that message means for the worries I'm holding on to at that moment. Sometimes the message is clear, sometimes it becomes clear over the course of the day. Sometimes I act on the message despite a lack of understanding of why I must. I choose to trust in these moments each day, to surrender to guidance that's outside my head and ego.

This is my path to spiritual empowerment now. This surrender brings me long-sought-after-peace. This is what I DO, rather than read and think about (although I still read a lot too - am looking forward to receiving Vibrational Medicine by Gerber in my hot little hands soon). And when things become tricky in life - when there's a sudden, unexpected change of direction or a disappointment or challenge - I now more easily surrender. I have faith that this is happening for a massively awesome reason. That this is testing my ability to trust and that I can choose to panic and try to fix things, or choose to face the discomfort head on and enjoy the change as its happening.

This lets those things that I dream about, those changes I want, to proceed more quickly. I can surrender and get our of the way. I can 'resign as general manager of the universe' as the Passion Test says.

So this is what spiritual empowerment looks like for me - I'm still human, still dream of love and a permaculture property and lots of travel....

But I also look to the big picture for daily guidance, I listen to my intuition more and am becoming better at listening to my body. I think about how I can appreciate others more and practice gratitude as often as I get the chance. I pray. I meditate. I love yoga. I ask for grace in my life and the lives of my family and friends.

This, my friends, is my vision of being whole. xx

Realising a dream

You know that feeling, when you've been thinking about what you'd really love in your life, creating vision boards perhaps and writing descriptions of what it looks like, and then you realise that you have it already? 

I just got that.

I've been dreaming for a long while now about there being a source of income in my life that allows me to be location independent, help others and use my skills and creative talents.

But I didn't just want this. I also wanted there to be a lot of time in the wilderness, one-on-one conversations with like-minded Mamas and a platform from which to start discussions about love, grace and transforming the world.

And you know what?

That's all happened. My dreams have come true.

This time next week I'll be jetting to mountainous southern New Zealand for a 4-day tramp of the Kepler Track with 3 lovely, like-minded Mamas. Together we'll be exploring some amazing wilderness while we test our beliefs about ourselves, set some intentions for he coming year and let go of that which we want to lay to rest. In addition, I've set myself up as an online coach for Mamas, with a free sample session, longer packages and an e-course soon to come. And all of this is possible without the need for anything more than my soul-felt intentions, a candle, my oracle cards, notebook and my trusty iPad and computer. I'm free to be away from home. And within that context, I will be.

At the beginning of April we're heading off on a 100-day journey around the deserts and coasts of Australia as a family. For much of our trip we will have internet access and I can help Mamas in need. For our time across the Nullabor Plain and when up in the Kimberley I'll be taking a break and completely focussing on family.

It's a dream come true. Join me here for regular posts about our travels and challenges and about our other dreams that are coming true.

Xx

Voices of love and fear

Its been a while since I've graced this blog with my presence, though it hasn't been far from my mind in all that time. I could say that as a Mama I've been very busy, which would be true, or I could say that there are a lot of things up in the air, which is also true, and that this Mama has been a little lost in it all.
Truth be told I've been feeling like something is changing, something not-quite-tangible and not-too-sure but exciting nonetheless. And I just haven't felt that I've had anything to write or anything that I've needed to 'nut out' in order to make sense of things. I've been existing in a kind of shell where my antidepressants protect me from undue anxiety and low moods, but where they perhaps also prevent me from really feeling passion for things as well.
So life has been okay - not fantastic or inspiring and not really bad or too low either. Just a kind of limbo.
But, in that time, there has also been a growing sense of unease - why am I not writing? Why am I not wanting to make decisions? What is it that I want to do? And, ultimately, why do I have depression? For this mama is sure that everything happens for awesome reasons. And I feel like this awesome reason is starting to make itself known.

And that's really awesome.

And a little scary too.

You see, what this Mama has wanted for a few years now is to homeschool her children. To travelschool. To gardenschool. To adventureschool. To worldschool. Its such a big dream - so amazing and yet so very scary.

What if I get it wrong? What if they hate me for it later? What will other parents say? What will Rosie's school say? What judgements will be passed upon our family for my choice?

The list of fears in this Mama's head is very long.

And yet in spite of these my heart remains firm. This passion has not diminished in several years and the growing of my girls. When I look into my heart it swells with gratitude for the opportunities I already have to provide education, learning and love for them. I find myself drawn to other's homeschooling stories. I read blogs about homeschooling and travelschooling families (Soulemama, Ben Hewitt, Soultravelers3). And when I look at my bookshelves and the pile of reading material next to my bed, I see a collection of ideas about what I could do with my girls at home.

The evidence is all there.

And yet still I waver. Those voices of fear are strong and prevalent. And somehow related to my depression too. Surely, this mama thinks, depression is the body's reaction to not following your passions. It's a stillness of emotions - a nothingness in which passion is lost, given up on perhaps, and a sadness pervades. And so the antidote to this must be re-igniting that passion, listening once again to the messages the heart gives and, with help and support and time, following where those messages lead, so that true healing can begin.

And so that depression can turn to expression.

Quiet dreaming

The house is empty except for me. The garden sings only the songs of the wind and the chickens and I are all that hear it.

If I stop. And sit. All I can hear is my breath.

Its so lovely, this quiet time. Its been too long since I had some, and although its tempting to blame circumstances for that, the reality is that the choice has always been mine. I've let chances for quiet reflection go, and I've hoped for some to come my way without putting in any effort. Now, after perhaps months of waiting, I have some time to myself.

And it feels like bliss.

My thoughts have stilled long enough for me to catch them and get some of them down on paper. I feel like I'm slowly exhaling out...out......out.......until I'm completely still and peaceful. Its delicious.

And I want some more please.

I read through my newly arrived copy of Spirited by Tara Bliss and Rachel McDonald and start asking myself some big questions - that's what reflection time is for right? That's why I've been needing this quiet space - so I can stop just doing and start thinking big again - so I can review my plans for myself and see if I'm thinking large enough - to see if I'm doing the most audacious thing I can be doing.

I think about my big dreams, some of which I've had for a while and some which are newbies:
1. I'm travelling through beautiful places in Australia visiting bookshops and signing copies of my inspiring, passionate book.
2. I'm living a joyful life where I feel freedom from self-sabotage, where I feel I can do what I dream of doing. Where my joy and inspiration is overflowing and my dreams are supported.
3. My skin is clear and radiates my natural beauty and joy.
4. I awaken each morning early, full of energy and clarity and quietly tap into a higher, loving self which guides me through my day with purpose.
5. I breathe life into my visions and dreams by sharing them with others with love through my blog and talking face to face.
6. I'm hiking to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro with great friends and in wonderful health. We have energy and a sense of accomplishment as we reach the top together.

Then I think about some other big questions - what are my gifts to the universe? And...what would happen if I treated my body with the utmost respect and kindness (from The Wellness Warrior)?
Wow, big questions indeed. And ones that will rest until my next quiet moment...as I hear the girls come in the door.

The power of expectations

"Never underestimate the power of expectation"

I read this quote in the staff room of Rosie's primary school this week. And, being a teacher myself, I thought about how true this was for me back in my classrooms and how true it is for me now as a Mama. Often when I'm finding myself clashing with one or both of my daughters (or with my Ian), its a matter of increasing my expectations of them that leads to greater confidence on their part, and then more responsibility. In other words, I don't need to take on everything. They are more than capable of doing a lot of stuff themselves and its not my job to be a martyr. After that I can step back, breathe more freely again, and be a better Mama for them.

And then, as this Mama is wont to do, I began to analyse this quote a little more. What if the said expectations were unrealistic or unhelpful? What if they lead to pain and suffering?

Now this wasn't just an idle thought, no. You see I've been waning these past few days. You may have noticed a lack of blog posts, little writing and certainly little meaningful content. All I've been able to manage on some days is to look at my desk and sigh. On other days I've added a photo. Usually taken by someone else. At other times I've sat down to what I can only describe as writer's block. Then last night I just wanted to yell. At anyone. For anything. And at the bakery this morning I was teary and tired...

Clearly I need a break.

And so I've adjusted my expectations. For the next couple of weeks I'm not expecting myself to write a post for everyday and this week I'm not expecting myself to review a book or a blog. I may post a photo if I feel like it and perhaps I might write if the inspiration strikes. But for now this Mama needs some rest and some time to imagine some new directions....

Peace to you dear readers...

My vision board - the next couple of weeks are all about adding to this, imagining new directions, getting clear about the directions I'm already heading in and basically spring cleaning this Mama from Mount Beauty.

Organising us

Lately (I seem to say this a lot!) I've been on a bit of an organising frenzy. Well...not quite a frenzy, its more like something growing bigger, more developed and more well...organised. I haven't really been into organisation, except within a workplace, for quite a few years now. And although its good to let things go a bit, be flexible and see how things pan out, particularly with little ones in tow, its also good to balance that with an overall plan that helps us to go in the direction we dream about. There is definitely a place for reflection, dreaming and planning, this Mama thinks.

My kitchen organisation corner - the hub of our family organising

Rosie's violin chart - to help keep track of how much she's practicing with just a little enticement at the end.

Lists of the 'good things' about being at school and at home - because we all need a reminder that the glass is half-full.

Our letter and number wall - this has helped Rosie for a couple of years now

Rosie's pinboard - a place to learn about the calendar and celebrate important achievements. 

Our number chart - written by Rosie to help with numeracy

My garden board - for both inspiration and planning

My approach to organising is part-practical, part-inspirational. There's really no point planning, I think, if there's not the inspiration to direct those plans. Pictures and quotes usually send me off on an inspirational tangent - thus our quote board in the kitchen and pinboards with colourful pictures attached. I use my ipad and computer daily however I prefer my inspiration to come from more visceral sources also - I like writing my current favourite quote in chalk - old fashioned but solid and real, with chalk dust left on my fingers as evidence. And the act of pinning something on a board somehow makes it more tangible (to me at least) and therefore more likely to come to fruition (although I do like pinterest when I have time for the large number of images I can search).

Happy dreaming to you all, from my 100th post (yay!)